KN

BACKGROUND

I am 38 years old. I used to be a Dominatrix but not currently, I have been a sex educator in the past and now I am mainly an Erotic Blueprint Coach. It has been six months since I was last sexually active. I broke up with my boyfriend and haven’t found anyone else I’ve been sexually attracted to or who has engaged with me in that capacity. Also, Covid. I identify as a slightly bi, cis-woman. I’ve had one reproductive surgery for an abortion. 

YONI LOVE

I feel I have a healthy attitude around sex and pleasure yes.  

I love that I have her. I need to create a relationship with her. I feel very disconnected from her, cut off. Neutral mainly to negative. I don’t like that I’m disconnected from her and that I’m not giving her what she needs. 

AROUSAL

Typically has to be done with porn due to wanting lots of stimulation happening - sound, image, context. Usually done with a vibrator. I don’t believe I’ve ever really orgasmed with a partner.

PLEASURE

I Don’t really know what brings my body and yoni into pleasure except for what I wrote above. I know some things include: Sensual stuff. Teasing. Kink. Feeling the other person’s desires. Energetic. Whatever you did with me! <— (referring to having received a yoni massage from Maria) 

FOREPLAY

The type of foreplay that gets me to almost climax and have an amazing orgasm I want to say is mental or role play, but I’m not really sure. 

ORGASM

Typically for me to have an orgasm it has to be done with porn due to wanting lots of stimulation happening - sound, image, context. Usually done with a vibrator. I don’t believe I’ve ever really orgasmed with a partner - other than squirting, but that’s usually done more forcefully. My genital release orgasms tend to last only a few seconds. I do not easily orgasm. It is challenging and it can take a long time. There is nothing in penetrative sex that I’m aware of that gets me to climax. Based on the questions and my answers, I realize I am not orgasmic but I want to be!  I just don’t reach orgasm through sex alone. I think I only have one type of orgasm...I’m not sure.  As far as full body energetic orgasms, I’ve had it once, with you (Maria in receiving yoni massage) and I have no clue how to do it again or bring it back!!!

MASTERBATION

Yes, I masturbate - it’s really the only way I know to get to orgasm. The type of self touch that gets me to climax and have the best orgasms is typically from a vibrator or sometime with two fingers on my clit, rubbing in a circle or two, then glide down the lips and back up. I repeat that type of touch until an orgasm is reached or until I give up. If everything is right it can take just minutes to climax. I masturbate a few times a month, usually during ovulation.  

SELF PLEASURE

I don’t self pleasure where I stimulate myself as an act of self love, in ritual and to take my time to prolong pleasure, but I really want to!

FIRST TIME

My first time having sex I was eighteen years old.  It was fine, mainly coerced, but the sex wasn’t painful. I wish I had been a full yes and that I knew what was going on. 

COMMUNICATION

What I find challenging is that I’m not really sure what I want and need and so often I’m a yes to trying all kinds of things. I typically want my partner to be the initiator.

SEX LIFE

I’d love to have sex all the time, but I really struggle connecting to others sexually initially. Once I do, I create it. I am not currently in a relationship but when I am in relationship it’s Mono primarily. I’m looking into having Open Relationships, possibly Poly.  I used to be in the BDSM community and now I am getting to know the tantra community.  I have been in orgies before - yes. Others such as swingers parties and gang bangs - no. I am not happy that I don’t currently have a sex life for the past few years and it’s not been consistent since being with my X. 

TRAUMA

I wouldn’t say I suffer from any sexual dysfunction per say. I do feel I have struggles connecting with my pleasure.  I probably carry shame, guilt and fear around my yoni and sexuality, but I’m not sure what it is exactly anymore. I have experienced sexual abuse and sexual assault. 

HEALING JOURNEY

When asked if I’ve been on a healing journey around my sexuality, what was the block and what helped me most and how? -  Girl, grab some tea and let’s talk! 

ADVICE

I would tell my teenage self to seek out people who can support you. To know more about the people you engage with sexually. To have conversations around sex. Listen to your yes’s and no’s. Sex is pleasurable. Talk about what you desire post sex - if anything, don’t leave things ambiguous. 

YONI MASSAGE

When participating in this project to be photographed before and after arousal I felt Great. I was a yes! I think I both received the yoni massage and also self pleasured. The external yoni massage was Incredible! More please!  I have only ever received one yoni massage prior but did not climax.  In this one I did but I’ve never experienced what I did before (full body multiple energetic orgasms). I would love to learn how to do that again with myself.

AWARENESS

Participating in this project beings my attention to areas of my sexuality I would like to work on.   The yoni massage session itself was incredible but now filling out this questionnaire I feel LOTS and LOTS of sads and tears based on my answers :(